The other night I hurt my face real bad after I went dizzy
in the bathroom. I don’t remember anything except finding myself lying in the
corner. I walked up to the mirror to discover the smash up. The wound was ugly
deep, quite close to my right eye. A thin flippant skin hung out lifelessly. I
replaced it and splashed water to clean my wound. Had to replace it again,
pressed it a bit and it burnt. I had a long scratch on my forehead and other
several marks on my face. I turned around to see how I hurt myself. No clue! I
remembered holding myself on the wall before I went unconscious. I rushed to my
room and came back with my specs. I tried to hide my wound but had to give up. I
called up my friend I was talking to a while ago. It was late at night so I
slept over the whole thing.
This is not the first time. I have had several more severe
accidents. I was prepared for some; some were accidents; some while unleashing
rage and others under the influence of out of the ordinary substance. Few days
back we were discussing on the need we have sometimes to connect with a greater
force. Not anger but simply force. Somebody talked of hanging a punching back.
So whenever you have this need just unleash it and feel lighter. This is
strange but I feel lighter too when I get physically hurt. Of course the scar
on my face is bothering me but I have always felt better right from my
childhood.
What I am going to tell you now is relative to what I am talking
about though it might sound a bit crazy. This was during our out of those
ordinary days. We used to gather at our den in Delhi for our usual concoction
to suspend, delay or speed time! My
friend had this sudden burst and yelled hard with force. Now the crazy part… I
could see the sound particles in long wave forms being released from my
friend’s mouth. Others gazed at him and went back to their activities. I
somehow could feel the lightness in him and wished if I could have it too. And before I could try I was overtaken,
losing control over reality against mounting lights and sounds of the other
world.
It’s been several years now that I have quit stuff… but in a
way I feel that has helped me to understand myself better. I think I would like
to write more on that. Some might think… it’s sad you had to take things to
understand yourself. Yes I thought about that too but I figure… many things in
life catch you off guard and how you struggle with it give you a better picture
of who you are. I find life more happening that way. Trust me when you win on a
situation you or the others thought was impossible…it makes you happier in a
lot of ways. It’s a different matter when you watch the surface and assume what
must lie beneath and quite a different matter altogether to explore the deep
and to suck in air on the surface again!
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