AbOuT a GiRL…

                              

I remember there was a time when I used to think about this girl all day and night. I used to wait for her in the noisy school hall with my friends before the school started. The entire school gathered there before breaking off to their respective classrooms. And God how my mind occupied with the thought of her arrival I never allowed my friends to stray along in case I missed her. I always made sure we stuck together because in the first place I knew I would get nervous alone. Also may be I wanted witnesses to believe in my theory that that there was indeed something going on between us. Lastly, I wanted information from them while I pretended to look elsewhere praying and picturing she did something. Often the things that I got to hear from them were positive. Now when I think about it my friends were really patient then… nothing like they were bored or something but you know friends just being there for you and the idea of wishing good. I tell you the same thing went on in every break, playground, library, canteens and streets at least for another few weeks. Not that it was the only thing we did because I believe we were also living our teen days. After all isn’t teen life about nailing curiosities that comes along with adolescence? Some of my friends were also on the lookout and in fact were making quite a progress. And there were some naive heads… I mean we had to put some naughty stuff in their heads. It was a sight to see their wizened smiles! And shake them up with some encouraging words and set them GO behind skirt bearers! Sadly it never worked for some. Once was not enough… I still have to think of powerful anecdote and words of encouragements at times! Yea we friends shared those moments together. So where was I? Yea those short breaks. It always saddened me to hear that most irritating school bell. Of course the last bell was different… who doesn’t want it anyways?

I think I need to smoke a cigarette. I will be back in a while.

 My sweetheart used to do that in her letters… and strange I just found it so apt to do that right now. Well, of course, she was not a smoker… it used to be like someone’s at the door or I have to help mom cooking or call for dinner and so and so forth. Yea we used to exchange letters DAILY! We had these funny rules. One was supposed to write on full length papers, no cheating with big handwriting or large spaces… holidays meant one had to write more. Often it was decided in advance regarding the number of pages. So we spilled ourselves a lot to each other that way. We would write on a lot of things and had in fact invented few games where we got literally hooked. She had a list of teachers and actors that she brought alive in her letters. You know a world where she marries them, bear’s children, does the household chores, gets divorced with some, and how some fight amongst them and get naughty on her and stuff.  God how I used to get J on these virtual characters and in fact started to hate them in real life! I wasn’t less too… I brought alive my own list of lady teachers, past and present crush and ex girlfriends. Wow that used to make her go green, blue, and red… so much so that the colorful transformation on her part used to scare me like hell. No doubt I used to write crazy stuff more on those she hated most!
I was returning home after a month. Dawn was breaking but this one was different from the usual type I have encountered so far. It seemed to me that the night wanted to sleep more. You know the way you sometimes make one sweet flight down only to be woken up bitterly again. We caught those heavy slumbering fogs still unaware of their unveiling from darkness. We were riding between long stretches of tea garden. Far along silhouette of trees loomed. It was magical because they appeared to spring from puffy clouds of fog. As we made our ascend towards the enchanted road of bliss we were welcomed by the bugle and trumpets of the insect kingdom. I looked at my fellow passengers. They too were lost in their own thoughts. And so did I.

It used to be on such days. Most of our dates. Wait there for her with the same excitement you had in the school hall. Only this time she was no stranger anymore but someone with whom I considered to spend the rest of my life. All those waiting pangs always disappeared whenever I saw her smile at me. I am not exaggerating but she had this peculiar talking smile. Her smile always seemed to tell me you are mine and I am glad to be yours. No she wasn’t the kind who showed or spoke about her feelings. In fact I was and I remember every time I used to ask her how much she loved me …she always used to hold her thumb and forefinger and squeeze down the gap to a small bit. But she was always there… rain, cold or a hot day… rough roads or if we had to climb hills or just go down the plains walking… she was always there. I don’t want to write more about this because you know I am not feeling okay now. But the reason why I am writing this ‘AbOuT a GiRL’ is because I realized I was missing out on a very important chapter of my life that was beautiful and full of life. And I am trying to contain some of the important phases of my life and experience and dreams and fantasies through various forms at Illusionfactory Inc. Sometimes you do things like an art that starts off with a stroke of brush without any particular thought. You just dip more colors and play more strokes until you get a clear picture about what you are going to do. I think that’s what happened at Illusionfactory Inc.

I think I need another smoke. Will be back in a bit.

 Yes I am back. I want to quit smoking and I have said that a thousand times! The reason I wrote about our dates is because of this strange weather we have in our place. And every time I come across such weather I am plunged into those times. I remember especially one moment when it was time for us to part for some time. I had to leave our town to study further in a college. On the last day I went to meet her. It was Sunday and she couldn’t just leave the house for some reason. However, she managed to steal a moment and came out to see me somewhere above her house. We were desperate and I have already spoken about her nature. I mean the way she never showed her feeling, always pretending to look cool. Sometimes I wonder if she did that for me because I get restless like hell when caught up with emotions. Anyways we didn’t know where to find a private place for ourselves because she didn’t have much time. We were silent most of the time. In haste we just crossed the road and started climbing above and across a stretch of wild uninhabited land. A lone sanatorium stood at quite a distance. We could hear human activities from there. The fog gave us shelter and we just decided to squat facing each other like poor kids. We exchanged our letters and stared at each other. I hated myself for spoiling her habit… I mean I always used to pick and drop her for school, and we almost met everyday… I couldn’t imagine her walking alone all of a sudden. I mean sometimes we used to fight but still I used to walk her home…never leave her stranded.    

I was asking myself and after much reasoning I came to a conclusion that when you walk in the woods with your beloved it is different from everywhere else. The woods protect you from the humdrum outside. I feel the beauty of the woods becomes but a reflection of your precious togetherness that I consider as pious and blessed. You know you connecting with nature in a maternal way. Perhaps that’s the reason why I can still hear the giggles and laughter once let loose in some animated conversation. And sometimes I can picture before me the both of us in spots and roads that we lived and walked once. The conversation still echoing in that filled silence! I say they always keep it for us. It would be quite a thing to walk again if we ever get a chance… you know just a walk for old times’ sake. I wonder how we would react!

I doubt if I’ll ever get a chance to go for a date in such places. I mean where is the place and time? You will be so fucking busy and she will be so fucking busy and everybody will be so fucking busy in the crazy fucking rat race! The easiest catch: the restaurant or the movie or the imitation resort or the tourist kind of sightseeing or finally the room for let’s have sex! I have gone through that man! It corrupts love that’s what I’ll say.

You know what? It’s been several years I haven’t seen her. Anyways, I didn’t intend to tell my story till The End.